Day 212 – Going For It

I knocked out 4 hours of writing today. Did I get very far? Not really, but I’m closer to where ever it is this thing is going. Rare are the days when words come gushing. I’m lucky when I get a solid paragraph down really. I do think I need to change my strategy though. For peace of mind if nothing else. Thinking about busting out some note cards and doing some serious story planning. Nonfiction has a plot too, ya know. I’m not the fence about it though. I’m looking for a security blanket. That’s what’s really what’s going on here. I want something to hang on to when the doubt hits and I think I can’t, a reminder that I can, that yes I know where I’m going. Anyway, I’m exhausted, but damn I showed up...

Day 211 – Hope

Hope has been on my mind a lot lately. The hopes I had when this project began and the hopes I have for it now. The foolishness you feel when hope goes unfulfilled. Or maybe what I’m thinking about isn’t so much hope as expectations. Hope and expectations, what’s the difference? Is there one? Today, I have hope that I’ll complete this project. I also have hope in the new treatment I’m embarking on. Hope that my body will no longer be at war with me. It’s strange, but my health issues have constipated every facet of my life. We’ve been at war, my body and me, for the duration of my adult life. A war I’ve largely been losing. I’ve had hope before, great hopes, when embarking on new treatments that benefited me...

Day 210 – Feeling Connected

The past week I’ve felt unmotivated and disconnected. In fact, a couple days after implementing my major diet restrictions, I felt like I was falling into an episode of major depression and would’ve panicked if I had the energy. Turns out, I have what is referred to as the low-carb flu, which can last for up to 3 weeks. So, if I seems sloppy here for up to 3 weeks, I apologize. I’m suffering and there is no way forward, but through it. To help me through this time, I’ve been reconnecting with supportive people in my life and reaching out to support other people where I can and it’s paying off. I got a solid 3 hours of work in today despite the fatigue and fogginess. Do not underestimate the power of showing up to support others as...

Day 209 – Procrastination Station

I got zero writing done today. Zilch. I’m upset about it. I made 3 different dishes though despite an abundance of leftovers hanging out in my fridge. My new strict diet took a huge chunk of joy out of my life and I’m trying to find it again. Happiness shouldn’t depend so much on taste buds. I want to quit this project a lot because failure seems inevitable. Public failure at that. Everyone will see that I tried and did not succeed. Why is that so humiliating? My head is preoccupied with what I’ll do next because obviously I’m failing at this. There’s no way this project can succeed. A mind divided by the intense to desire to go for the dream without taking any risks at all. I still fight with myself about it a lot. My parents...

Day 208 – Progress Report

Current Project: Memoir Status: In Progress Time Spent:  Writing: 14 hrs. Blogging: 5 hrs. Networking: 5 hrs. Reading: 13 hrs. This week was rough in every way. I’m amazed I got in as much work as I did. This week an issue came up between me and someone close to me. It couldn’t be avoided, confrontation was the only way forward. It was messy and it hurt. I wrote anyway. Then I got back news about my body, my pancreas is not happy so I had to restrict my already strict diet.  I wrote anyway. Those two hiccups sent my confidence into a tailspin, signs that I couldn’t, so I surrounded myself with supportive people. People who say “yes, you can” and “yes, you are.”  Little words for which the need was enormous. Show up. Show...