Day 209 – Procrastination Station

I got zero writing done today. Zilch. I’m upset about it. I made 3 different dishes though despite an abundance of leftovers hanging out in my fridge. My new strict diet took a huge chunk of joy out of my life and I’m trying to find it again. Happiness shouldn’t depend so much on taste buds.

I want to quit this project a lot because failure seems inevitable. Public failure at that. Everyone will see that I tried and did not succeed. Why is that so humiliating? My head is preoccupied with what I’ll do next because obviously I’m failing at this. There’s no way this project can succeed. A mind divided by the intense to desire to go for the dream without taking any risks at all. I still fight with myself about it a lot. My parents chose safety, a path nobody could criticize. Both ended up with lots of excuses. Creative work is something you do anyway though. It’s something else that stops you. It’s whatever that something else is that’s blocking me now. Something that feels a whole lot like guilt. Memoir writing is so self indulgent and so hard to do well and to do fairly.

I’m blocked. Horribly blocked. So I guess it’s time to reach out for support.

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement. – C. S. Lewis

Prompt:  Write about a long held shame coming to light.

 

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