Day 263 – Progress Report

Current Project: Memoir

Status: In Progress

Time Spent: 

  • Writing: 6 hrs.
  • Blogging: 2 hrs.
  • Networking:  3 hrs.
  • Reading: 12 hrs.
  • Words: 246

I blew it this week and there is no excuse really. I felt down, really down. Don’t wanna get out of bed kinda down. Everyday this week, this project seemed like a huge mistake, an inevitable failure. HUGE EMBARRASSMENT. Those were just a few of the shitty things going through my head anyway. In my defense, I may have had a bug or horrific allergies, who knows. Whatever it was, I couldn’t figure out if I was sick or slipping into a depressive episode. It feels the same to me, sickness and depression. Exactly the same so I panic every time I feel a general malaise coming on.

Anyway, I blew it. I couldn’t face my work. I figured out that a day job is so much easier to face than writing because day job work is usually pretty rudimentary and I go into each day knowing I can complete the task at hand. With writing I don’t ever know what I’ll produce or if I’ll meet my word count goals. Some days end up being a whole lot more sitting and thinking that clacking away on keys. It’s uncomfortable, the not knowing. One of the pieces we’re reading for memoir class this week is SO GOOD too, so cohesive, so detailed, so polished, I can’t help compare it to the awkwardness of my own and feel frustrated.

This week was tough for no reason I can really pinpoint other than I was getting in my own way. AGAIN. And I was scared.

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