Day 88 – Demons

Writing is facing yourself, your memories, your mortality and being brave enough to put it on paper. It takes bravery because many times you come to realize your existence is rather trite. Cringe worthy even. Worse is when you realize that all writers exist this same way, but they acquired the skill to convey trite realities in an interesting way. I don't think I'm there yet. I'm struggling. Struggling to convince myself that this project is worthwhile, that I do have something to say, that I have a right to say it, and that I won't look back at this 365 days as a public failure if I do not get any where close to publication. 

After the signing at Book People on Thursday, I chatted with Claire Messud for a few minutes and she was so incredibly kind. I asked her if she struggled with doubt when she was working and she said that she's sure everyone does to some degree and that it seems to be gender thing. Women tend to have more doubt then men in creative areas. I agree. As I write this my boyfriend, who has a very demanding job, is washing the dishes and he's just put a load of laundry (mostly mine) in the washer. He's doing those things so I write this instead of worrying about chores. He does not hold it over me as a debt, but I do. I don't know very many men who feel guilty about their wives and girlfriends cooking and cleaning for them. What right do I have to demand time and resources to write with no guarantee of profit? Why is it so easy for others and so difficult for people like me? Everyday I sit down to write and every day I face this demon and wonder if I'm investing my time in the best way. I told Claire Messud this and she reminded me that you don't get a grade at the end of your life and that nobody ever regrets trying. 

Think of what we would've missed if all over our favorite artists and authors had given into their fears and not tried.

Just because you fail once doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. - Marilyn Monroe

Prompt:  Write about a candle burning.

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>